Thursday, March 12, 2009

Things immigrant parents do better than me...

Do you ever wonder why you can't work out your relationships with certain people? want to, but...something is off?

I've got someone like that. The mom of Milo's friend Devious. She baffles me. In my world? She's rude. In her world? Maybe she's smart and witty. Or really passionate and thinks we are terrible parents. I don't know.

Here's our most recent exchange, about this certain school we'll call FAR AWAY MATHS ELEMENTARY (FAME) which she and I have discussed repeatedly. They are sending Devious there, but we aren't applying: (this makes more sense if you know Portland, but we live close to downtown)

Me: " You know, after looking at it, FAME is off our list. Because, really, it's not feasible. Jamie would have to always work in (remote area East of Portland vaguely near FAME) and never have personal plans or get sick. If Jamie couldn't come get Milo or drop him off every day for the next 6 years, I'd have to perform miraculous feats of time/space travel to drive 10 miles East to drop Milo at FAME, back downtown to Zel's preschool, and then another 15 miles to (suburb West of Portland where I work at the Swoosh) every day by 8 AM. And the same in reverse by 5:30 PM. We actually did a test run and decided we'd go insane by October of this year, let alone by October of 2015."

Her reply: "As for the totally inconvenient drive, I can't believe you. Immigrant parents sacrifice everything for their kids and you can’t drive across town for the right school?!"

I know it's not that dramatic. It's just immigrant icing on an already cold and bitter cake. Fueled by repeated weird judgmental comments over the past 2 years.

Sometimes I think people should come with their baggage all out there and ready to hand you. Like a name tag reading "Disapproving Parents Made Me Bitter and Quick to Judge You."

Mine would be "Secretly really lazy and sometimes snarky! - Should never be an Immigrant!"

What about you?


Lee said...

Gah. I'm with you... commutes make me INSANE and there are schools I will *not* consider because I would have to drive. Far. And hate it. If that makes me a bad mom, so be it. I think Jake would rather have a mom who is more sane for not having to drive so much.

The whole thing about immigrant parents is just bizarre... I'm not gonna go there.

MrsD said...

I Have a friend who drives insane distances for her adopted from China child to attend the Chinese immersion school in SE Portland. I totally get the vibe from her that I'm denying my adopted from China child her true heritage by not doing the same. As I see her daughter suffer from the stress of the immersion and the long days and the really kind of harsh environment of the Chinese program in general (it's cultural? really? and that's okay?) I'm so freakin' glad I succombed to the easy local school with the bus pick up and drop off and the new school friends that live really NEAR our family. Yeah, I'm a bad mom.

Aunt Becky said...

Good lord! I cannot believe someone would judge you for that. I hate commuting and having to get my kids out and about like that. I don't freaking BLAME you for that.

I don't get why she'd be so nasty about it.

Sprite's Keeper said...

Ah, you know Super Mom, do you? Obviously, FAME is the right choice and because your choice differs from hers, your choice is wrong. Just like you're wrong for not choosing to have Milo in five different activities or having him in too many. No matter what the choice is, if you're not with her, you must be mocked. I know a lot of those moms. I choose to ignore them.

Amy said...

Wow, it's so hard for me to imagine someone being so snarky to you about YOUR decision for YOUR family. Even if her intent wasn't to insult you, there is a thing called tact and diplomacy when you disagree with someone. What a beyatch. You just keep making those awesome decisions that work best for your family, and if anyone has anything to say about it, tell em to suck it.

Comptons said...

Wow...that's just really effin' rude. Or just thoughtless? I wouldn't even know how to respond to something like that.