Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Identity

(aka fun with my crappy Photshop skillz) You always wonder where you might have ended up, don't you? Don't you? Do you? Well...I do. Because, as I've already established, I live in the past, I often think about all the paths I took but reverted. Or messed up. Or just barely went one way instead of another. Let's just see what that might have looked like, had I not changed majors and divorced and then divorced and changed majors...and then moved to Oregon: Here's one: Mormon mom. How do you know she's Mormon? White shirts. Because? Are you kidding? Who puts kids in white?...There's a whole life averted in this picture.
Or this is totally cute: OK, frankly, I've never quite been here. A couple of protests that could have gone awry, but...mainly no. I did date a couple of future felons though. And made some poor roommate choices in college which could have gotten me here.

[Note: when your parents offer to pay for religious college, which you acquiesce to under duress and out of poverty, because you drank too much didn't study hard enough to keep your full-ride scholarship at the state school; and then your religious-college roommate says she's "bucking the system" at said college by "dealing a little", DON'T try to "be cool" by letting it slide. Get out!]

Fortunately, she never got caught (while you lived with her). Unfortunately, you live in your car for a while because you get freaked out by the company she keeps (and she totally steals all your clothes while you are doing this). During a Utah winter. Before you FINALLY realize you will pay for your own college, drop out of BYU and go live with non-drug-dealers-not-in-your-car, thank you.]

Anyway, I never got arrested.

All right. I was also never a mermaid, nor going to be a mermaid. But I did used to have cartoonishly perky boobs.
Singer! My first college major: opera! But primarily I did an enormous amount of bad or mediocre community theater. Right before I married the Evil Mad Scientist, I gave it all up and have (almost) never looked back.
Smoker!.Well...passively. I lived with an active smoker and sometimes held ciggarettes (is that how you spell that) just to fit in:
Kashmiri bride: I may not have mentioned that the Evil Mad Scientist was of Pakistani descent, but he was, and once upon a time, I really truly did this, so I guess it's a path actually taken, but reverted. We stayed married for about .2 minutes after this, but at least I'll always have Pakistan...
Nomadic Hiker: Husband #1 was this sort-of restless, gypsy-ish nomad guy. My life could have looked like this, but mainly it looked like being alone, since he was usually off doing his own thing.

Alterna-babe: Even though I am a product of my generation, I have no tattoos. A couple of nose rings, yes. It's the path I didn't take, but I'm right next door... I'm an alt-dot-neighbor!
My birth father is an ex-Hell's Angel. Can't you see it? It's in my bloooood!
And finally, of course, this. I was SO close to becoming her. But chose instead to use my powers to remove dangling participles armed with nothing but a keyboard. (I kept my lasso, though).

6 comments:

mama kim said...

this is hilarious... to think of all the things i could have been, i am much better off where i am!

Amy said...

I'm not even going to ask how long it took you to do that! That was so funny I nearly lost my bladder control!! I wanna do that! If only it wouldn't take me a week to figure out! LOL

BTW...it's probably wrong that I still found you temptingly attractive in all of your possible other identities? Especially the mormon one...woohooo!

LOVE IT! LOVE YOUUU just the way YOU ARE!

radishly said...

Man, you're sexy in anything. Bah!

Korin said...

Good lord you crack me up. I adore you.

goatess said...

Didn't you get offered an acting scholarship in college? You could have been a movie star! You forgot to superimpose your face over Angelina Jolie's hot bod.

Rebekah said...

Ha! I had a tiny music scholarship and a full-ride academic scholarship, due to the quirkiness of the National Merit system, which, as far as I can tell, was completely based on NO MERIT WHATSOEVER. I could also superimpose my head on Einstein's body, since his and Angelina's paths were always equally likely.